Kindergarten Admissions – It’s About Finding the RIGHT – Not the BEST – School

Yesterday, I received this note from my friend, Andrea Bardach, a New York City mom. We’ve known each other since our kids were little and one of the things we shared (and commiserated over through the years) was the fact that both our daughters struggled with learning issues. The problems weren’t apparent when our girls were very young. So, like most NYC parents, we wanted them to go to the “best” school we could possibly get them into – Spence, Dalton, Trinity – these brand-named schools were at the top of our list. In her note to me, Andrea makes the point about how important it is to find the RIGHT school for your child vs. the BEST school you can get your child into. Here’s what she said:

“Karen…I am very interested in what you are doing regarding academic testing for children. It is about time and my only wish is that your book and materials had been on the market 18 years sooner.

We adopted our daughter at birth. She developed at a normal pace, has always been healthy and beautiful. She was particularly active. We moved from England to New York City when she was two years old. I immediately located all my contacts who could help me get into the ‘best preschools.’

Our daughter wound up at the premier preschool in the city and during the last year took the ERB’s to get her into the right kindergarten. The test results were mixed, very good in some areas and not so good in others. In fact all the private schools suggested that she wait another year before starting kindergarten. She did get accepted at 3 schools the second time around, but half way through kindergarten we were told to have her tested.

The story goes on and on but what I’m trying to say is that for many, many years our daughter went to the wrong school for her. When she became a teenager the mis-match became even more obvious.

If I were able to do it all over, I would have loved to have had your materials. Many well-intentioned professionals never told us that the mainstream education we were providing our daughter was not in her best interest. Many well-intentioned professionals gave us some questionable advice including not changing to what would have been a better school for her. I believe that our daughter was not ever, with possibly one exception, in the right school for her. I hope that you will be able to help others…not to mention that amazingly large amount of money that they could save.”

I certainly hope that your child doesn’t end up struggling with learning issues. But what I want to say to you now, as you begin your search for the right kindergarten, is to really put your energy into looking for what feels like the best possible FIT for your child. Don’t be swayed by what you hear on the playground about THIS being the BEST school or THAT being the BEST school. There IS no BEST school. There is only that school where your child is so comfortable and at home and in the right place that he is learning and thriving and enjoying every day in the classroom. If you can find that, you’ve given your child the best gift you can give him. How do you know if you’ve found the right fit? I offer many checklists on my site to help. But the most important thing to look out for is a deep feeling in your heart of being “home,” a knowing that this place and these teachers and administrators are “just right” for your child and family – The old “Three Bears” test.

I hope that the school you find this year turns out to be the right school for your child and the place she can stay for her entire education. Wouldn’t that be amazing (and easy)! But I caution you that as your child grows and matures, you will learn more about her, the kind of student she is and how she best learns. A time may come when you will need to look for a different school for her. If that happens, it’s okay. You’ll be able to find a better fit. Your child’s school years will be a journey for you and for her. Education is a big part of it. So is her social and emotional development. As carefully as you may have charted the course, be prepared to adjust mid-voyage should you encounter unexpected turbulence or storms. Children change as they grow up. With that, your expectations and dreams for your child may also have to change. When my daughter started school, I dreamed of Harvard for her. Later, I just hoped she would graduate from high school. Now she is thriving at a marvelous acting conservatory in NYC. With flexibility and an open mind, you can help your child get the perfect education for her.

Thank you Andrea for this timely reminder. It’s not about the BEST school. It’s all about the RIGHT school. It’s about knowing and doing right by your child, even when it doesn’t match what you originally thought you wanted for her.